When you lose your self confidence: It’s a sign
“Just for this time, don’t you dare fail me ” he pleaded vainly into the air, his eyes filled with emotions as a single tear slipped from his left eye. He was losing confidence.
I would be doomed if it doesn’t work… his bittered mind bared those words with a fainting smile. Dayo picked up the pocket knife lying on the three-legged table resting against the wall, he stared at the knife with guilt, kissing it and his heart prayed.
That was his ritual.
Help me, his heart cried within in the dead of the night; awoken by the loud bark of the street dog. Dayo rubbed his eyes with his hands yawing loudly.
The clock on the wall struck five in the morning.
It was time for action, yet another day again. He retrieved the knife lying on the pillow beside him, pocketing it he went out of the room dressed in a white top and shorts. Walking some miles, he awaited the call of the leader who had promised to be at the meeting point by 5:00am, panicking he checked his wristwatch surprised to see the time was 5:30am already.
Had he missed the meeting time? They had agreed to meet by 5:00am and the meeting point wasn’t so far from his house, he took the phone to dial him but there was no answer.
I can’t do this alone. He said to himself rubbing his head, the morning breaketh already, and deep down in him he was afraid of what would happen if he didn’t complete the ritual. How was he going to face the council today having no power?
He was to meet the council that would decide his stay in the institution; to them he was a student beyond their help but for the last time they had decided to allow him prove his worth. He was to be tested and he needed help when one of his friends offered to help him.
Well, he could behave like any other student in the school and care not what the school may do but he thought of his mother who was on the sick-bed because of him. He made a promise
“Dayo, promise me you will graduate well. Your father would be happy if you did” his mother had made him promise while holding hands together and he did. Mama was the best gift he could ever have but he just wasn’t made for schooling. He wanted more out of life, made friends with smokers and drinkers, attended parties, had multiple carry overs, slept around with girls and did even the unthinkable.
For the first time in his life, he wanted help desperately and his friends offered but they were not available now when he needed them. The ritual must be completed, the herbalist warned of its danger. He was helpless with no confidence within, standing by the road he watched as people pass by. It was 6:00 am in the morning and the deadline for the ritual was over, he was doomed.
The bell rang, once then again.
He looked up intrigued.
Then he heard the words flowing out of the mouth of a lady dressed in patterned top and flowing skirt.
“Oh, wretched man who I am… Who can save me from this load of sin?”
That was him, how could a lady know he was wretched? He wondered and the sister continued her words
“For it is by grace I am saved, not of myself but the power of God in me. A man loved me enough to die for me, he loved me enough to shed his blood for me so I would live in him. It sounds bizarre right? But a man did that just for you and me that we can be truly free from our sins and guilt”
Before she could speak further, Dayo walked up to her like a lost sheep, eyes filled with unanswered questions and a hunger to know more. He spoke “Who are you to speak such words? ”
He was surprised when she smiled at him, it was a smile so real and genuine. She replied ” I am the bearer of the good news, care to hear more?”
You can read similar post on Let’s talk of God’s saving love
Dayo held the microphone to his mouth closing his eyes before speaking to the listening congregation before him “O wretched man… Those words I heard ten years ago changed me forever… I lost my self-confidence and regained another”
“I was so confident that I lived a right life, but when the gospel of life and light came to me… I saw myself as foolish and unwise and just like Paul in the Bible, I said to myself ‘See my wretchedness… I am so wretched…’ You see…” he paused looking up
“The moment of true salvation comes when you realize your wretchedness, that moment you are no longer struggling with yourself. . You see, your behaviors as stupid and foolish and the truth is you lose confidence in what you once believed to be the truth… you lose your self-confidence the instant you became born again and when you are truly forgiven… There’s a peace that fills your heart with heavenly confidence… Apostle Paul realised his foolishness and helplessness, no wonder he said ‘Oh wretched man who I am’…
“If at a point in your life, you don’t experience this… you are not truly born again… and I am not being unrealistic because truly the flesh within us is wretched without the grace and spirit of God”
On flesh, try reading this post: No Flesh, it destroys
Dear readers, your self-righteousness can not make you saved… There must be a stage in your life when you felt truly helpless and unhappy with yourself, a stage when you realize your depravity and wretchedness… if there’s no day in your life where you felt this… I can’t boldly say if you are truly converted… Paul realized this, have you? Your flesh is wretched, the spirit fills with life.
Oh wretched man…. Who can save you from this burden of sin?
Who, if not God?
Come to Jesus and be saved. . the flesh within you is wretched and can’t proffer any help, come to Jesus who can give you life and his spirit. Come one, come all
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