Growing up, I had always prayed to share a home with an almost perfect man. Seemed, God had heard me because He gave me one. Believe me, Bethram was every woman’s fantasy.

Imagine, when a handsome boy is also romantic and tongue-speaking. You should have seen him exhibit the fruits of the Spirit in intense situations. Oh! Pure Bliss! Well, I lost him! Not just to the cold hands of death but to my overwhelming foolishness.

Remember, what the Bible says in Proverbs 14:1? Yes, I am that foolish woman, I tore my marriage with my own hands. I believed I knew what I wanted, well I didn’t. The truth is, to wish or pray for a prince charming, one must be a princess beauty. I took more than a man could bear into my marital home, a clear sign that our wishes and prayers are not always easy to sustain, they are often not as simple as they appear.

Two weeks into our man and wife life, Bethram had returned home from work one fateful day, quite early; only to dash into the room for a file he forgot. I was completely upset that he didn’t drop any pleasantry before going into the room, I felt overlooked. By the time, he came out and tried to explain the reason for his hurry, I would have none of it. I kept on complaining, nagging and cursing under my breath.

This terrible attitude became an everyday thing, each time, he tried to apologise or correct me, I would flare up and give all sort of excuses. Almost every conversation turned out to be a world war. My emotions and temper had the best of me. I felt it was better to react violently at things I disliked. I wanted to talk about everything; nothing was to be left hanging.

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I wish I knew some things were better left unsaid. Bethram wanted a loving, admirable and peaceful home. He had subjected and submitted himself to training, he had prepared for a life with his sugar but my character was a strong opposition.

He loved me; he believed in me; he did all he could to make me happy. Still, we would quarrel about the slightest matter. It was that bad! We were a disastrous combination! My inability to control my emotions and accept corrections were the defeating points. I wish I knew better.

It’s been five months since Bethram passed on. The autopsy revealed an advanced stage of high blood pressure. More painfully, he slumped in my hands. Today, I wish I could have some time out with every single lady and prolly, the newlyweds.

Below are fourteen lessons I would like to share with them from my failed marriage:

  1. Beauty may get a man, but a good character keeps him.
  2. Don’t just fantasize about marriage, prepare for it.
  3. Intentionality in doing the right things is possible; not everything can be the same even after apologies have been made.
  4. It takes more than emotions and desire to reign in life. You need wisdom.
  5. It’s perfectly okay not to talk about every single offence. Choose to forgive and let go in advance.
  6. Emotions should never define who you are; it only makes you live below your potentials.
  7. An intimate relationship with God helps to build your emotional strength.
  8. Ability to get upset without breaking heads or making a scene is a sign that you are growing emotionally.
  9. It is possible to subject your emotions. You can make your emotions listen to you. Here is how
  10. You must not act on every information you receive from the body.
  11. You are not who your emotions or your past say you are. You are who God says you are.
  12. You have the power to control your emotions. Your emotions are the conversations that have gone on in your mind, but you can control it. You can choose to trash them or use them.
  13. A temper disorder can be done away with if you subject yourself to God’s word, corrections and training.
  14. You have been given a beautiful Spirit. Let the Holy Spirit have His way.
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Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. (Philippians 4:8)